Do you ever find yourself replaying the circumstances of an event or situation over and over in your head until you move on to repetitious thoughts about how you should have responded (if you were reactive) or how you want to acknowledge the incident, if you are crafting your word delivery for a future date? If so, you are not alone. Today we are going to talk about some strategies that can alleviate the reoccurring thoughts that have wedged their way into your headspace.
By definition, rumination is the tendency to repetitively focus on a problem without arriving at a solution and while everyone experiences ruminating thoughts, the frequency and debilitating effects of these disturbances vary from person to person. If your recycled thoughts are creating an instability in your decision-making abilities, then its time to come in for a therapy session or two with a solution to the source of the thought repeat being the goal of intervention. If you find yourself hyper-focusing on something that is not debilitating, then I suggest you try these strategies for communication and cycle-break success:
Recognize when something contradicts a value system you possess. When a decision or action by another person contradicts a value we hold, we are innately more reactive and less level headed. Acknowledging that here is a value conflict allows us to squash a passionate outburst that we would be inclined to deliver had the recognition of the value conflict not have taken place. An example of this verbal dialogue may present like this: “This decision contradicts my belief in X. Because of this, my initial response will be visceral. This is why I need to take a moment before I respond and know that I would like to see happen instead of this.” Whenever we are disagreeing with a decision, it is always best to come to the proverbial table with a decision or action that would be acceptable to you and that does not contradict a value that you possess.
When you are ruminating over a situation, write your thoughts down in bullet points, utilizing incomplete sentences. This tactic will curb the recycled thoughts as moving our notions from our brains to paper has powerful effects in stability establishment as the rumination tends to soften as we move the concepts to something tangible. Click here for a research study on the positive effects of bullet journaling to bridle repetitive thoughts.
When you need to respond to a situation or event, write down what you want the “take away” to be for the other party. Identifying what you would like the other party to garner from the interaction allows you to be more sis-sync in your communication, which allows for a hyper focus on the objective. When you strategize on how to take action, I highly doubt that rambling for 20 minutes on a host of topics that don’t have to do with the event you has been on repeat in your brain is part of your plan. Construct the conversation around what you want your “take away” to be and consider the conversation a success if the other party walks away with the information you want them to have.
If your rumination leads you toward action in dialogue with another, remember to focus on the ONE issue or source of the problem. It is best not to bring other topics into the conversation as the reason for the discussion can get lost in the verbiage. I also recommend that you do not “issue pile” by bringing up past concerns in this conversation unless you have data that supports a pattern. Each issue uncovered in a relational dynamic needs to be an isolated conversation and I highly suggest that you write the concern down and have it accessible during the conversation (if possible) so that you can stay focused on the single issue as well as the “take away” that you have isolated in the strategy prior.
Tone is EVERYTHING. If you don’t say something in a way that is receptive, your message will never be received. An aggressive or passionate tone can trigger the “Fight or Flight” response in another human being which naturally pulls up an individual’s wall of protection, changing the course of the conversation and your ability to solve the problem associated with the rumination event.
Presenting in a calm tone that stays focused on the conversation “take away,” avoids “issue piling” and is cognizant of a value contradiction after jotting down your thoughts in bullet form is considered a successful communication strategy that will allow you to move on from a mind-occupying event. Give these tactics a try during your next rumination cycle and let me know how it turned out!
Until next time!
