It’s always a good time to improve your communication with your partner.

Oftentimes, couples wait until there a relationship crisis at hand. When that happens, it’s much more difficult (but not impossible) to work on your communication skills.

The best time to improve communication is when things are going well. Solid communication early on ensures you have a reserve of goodwill and closeness that supports a sense of security when difficulties arise.

Most of all, communication aligns your perspectives, goals, and values. Even when you see things differently, healthy communication creates a safe and supportive environment for fostering teamwork and respect. Communicating openly and frequently keeps the relationship airwaves clear. Less static and more harmony result.

When partners willingly listen, remain curious, and compassionately consider each other's thoughts, good relationships happen.

To foster health change, consider these communication "do’s and don’ts."

Do Listen Intently and Purposely

When your partner is talking to you, do you really listen? Or, is half your brain focused on the discussion while the other half of your mind is distracted?

So much vies for your attention. Work and family obligations, pandemic worries, and all of those alerts and notifications on your phone can do a number on communication. In fact, it's actually pretty common to see couples barely tuned into each other as they try to manage the stressors of this day and age.

We all get distracted. Things pop into our heads while we talk to each other. If we allow it, we're too frequently pulled away and pressured to put our partners on the back burner. However, communicating with our partners is the most important, beneficial, and mood-boosting interaction we can have. If we prioritize it and nurture that interaction.

How? Some ideas include:

Maintaining eye contact with your partner.
Connect what they are saying to your own experiences.
Smile and engage with open friendly body language.
Refrain from jumping in or dominating the exchange.

That last one is definitely something to focus on if you find yourself getting distracted. We often stop listening to our partners when we have a reply or correlating thought on our minds. Instead of paying attention, we can become focused on opportunities to jump in with our own two cents.

Don’t Get Defensive

This is a big one if communication has become challenging. Do you feel defensive when your partner provides feedback or makes an observation you don’t like? For instance, how do you respond when your partner is frustrated or disappointed in your relationship?

Can you talk it through? Or do unresolved or underlying feelings get in the way? Nobody likes hearing negativity. It may even bring up emotions for you, such as shame. You might push back, so you can “explain your side.” Your partner may clam up, feeling unheard or misunderstood. These are signals that listening and understanding need some fine-tuning in your relationship.

Do Seek to Understand

At the heart of all communication is the desire to be understood. Therefore, express yourself honestly. Otherwise, safety and vulnerability are never fully realized. Both elements drive relationship trust.

When you and your partner are communicating, do your best to glean where your partner is coming from. Reserve judgment and consider the factors that shape your partner's perspective. If you find yourself dismissing your partner’s viewpoint, even internally, beware. Instead, tap into compassion and refocus your mental energy. Continue to lean in so that you can truly hear what your partner is trying to express.

Don’t Forget about Nonverbal Communication

We have an amazing capacity to express ourselves both verbally and in writing. Yet, so much of how we communicate is done nonverbally. A smile, a raised eyebrow, a shrugged shoulder. These and many other silent expressions have the power to speak volumes.

Be careful how you communicate nonverbally and try not to miss your partner's cues. Pay attention to how they express themselves. What nonverbal cues do they use when they are happy, sad, angry, or frustrated? Knowing these subtleties will help you tune in to your partner and make them feel heard.

Do Participate in Couples Counseling

Couples counseling provides a space where both of you can not only communicate but learn new relationship skills. Moreover, your therapist can act as a supportive moderator, guide, and unbiased observer. They can ensure that your work doesn’t become unproductive or stagnant.

To learn more, read about couples counseling and ask for help soon. Remember, couples counseling needn't be a last-ditch attempt at crisis management. We're here to help you reach your relationship goals. Please reach out for a consultation soon.