Is it always bad when you’re mad? Short answer: Absolutely not. However, there is most definitely a longer answer to consider. Let’s begin by recognizing that anger has a positive role. It exists for a reason. For example, it can protect you. Anger can also inspire action and creativity. It helps you be heard and validated.
You’ve been on the giving and receiving end of anger. You know how ugly it can get. Left unchecked and unexamined, it can be a relationship killer. Therefore, it’s easy to understand how important it is to express anger more productively.
How to Express Anger More Productively
Notice What You’re Feeling
What physical sensations can tip you off that your anger is building. It’s different for everyone but some common tendencies exist, e.g.
Feeling hot or flushed
Hands shaking
Loss of concentration
Elevated heart rate
The better you know these signals, the easier it is to manage your anger. In this state, you’re better positioned to express what you’re feeling.
Go Deeper With the Self-Awareness
You recognize the physical signs but what else is going on? Does it seem you’re past that proverbial point of no return? If so, learn to wait it out. It’s virtually impossible to productively express yourself when there’s smoke coming out of your ears. Identify this. Accept it. Take steps to cool off before you attempt to resolve the underlying issues.
Gather Information
This just in: The person or people may have a point. Leave room to hear them out and possibly learn something new. It ties in with the point above. Stay patient. Gather as much information as possible. Practice compassion by respecting other points of view. All of this adds up to create a safe space in which everyone involved can share thoughts and opinions.
Make Sure It’s Really Anger
If you don’t like someone, you may mistake it for anger. Also, what feels like anger could be any number of other emotions going on. For example, you could be tired, frustrated, or stressed. A wide variety of factors could leave you experiencing what appears to be anger. Check-in with yourself. Use some of that self-awareness mentioned above. Make the effort to identify what’s really going on before you react.
Practice Healthy Communication
If you seek resolution, healthy communication is the path. It’s not about “winning” or being proven “right.” Expressing anger productively puts you and the other person in a position to remove the conflict. Keep in mind:
Remember: it’s not a competition
Hone your listening skills
Stay aware of your body language, posture, gestures, and facial expressions
Control your tone and volume
Anger Management
All of the above suggestions are fine — except for when a true anger issue exists. Here are some signs that you may need to consider anger management:
An unwillingness to compromise
People avoid interacting with you
People walk on eggshells around you
You ignore what others say or suggest
Anger gets aimed inward and results in self-harm
You self-medicate to calm yourself down
Unaddressed anger will cause problems in your personal and professional lives. It will hurt you emotionally and physically. If you find you can’t implement any of the self-help tips described here, you probably could use some help. A trained therapist is the perfect guide for anger management.
Your weekly sessions are like a workshop. Patterns are revealed. New approaches are discovered. Homework is handed out. This collective process will be catered to your specifics needs and situation. You don’t have to live a life controlled by anger. Reach out today to set up a free and confidential consultation.
Our Anger Experts
