Every healthy relationship involves compromise. It’s baked into the mix. But what if you wake up one day to notice that you’re the only one compromising? You may be in an unbalanced relationship. Of course, this can happen temporarily. Either partner can be going through a rough patch and thus, loses focus on other things.
A truly unbalanced relationship can result when one partner is toxic or selfish. Sometimes, however, it’s more subtle. It’s harder to recognize and builds up slowly over time. This likelihood makes it very important to identify how an imbalance develops and the signs you may be overlooking.
3 Factors That Can Lead to an Unbalanced Relationship
1. Incompatible Expectations
You may feel like you’re in synch. But a deeper look may reveal that you both have different expectations. One might be thinking “this is fine for now.” Meanwhile, the other is picking out wedding dates. In a more abstract sense, you may both perceive your relationship ( or romantic relationships as a whole) in a different way. This is where factor #2 comes into play.
2. Incompatible Communication Styles
Healthy communication is learned through experience and practice. It is also maintained through commitment. Your partner may have never had the role models they needed. With healthy communication, balance is more likely. Good news: Healthy communication can be learned.
3. Incompatible Attachment Styles
Each of us develops an attachment style based on how our caregivers treated us as children. Countless factors can lead you to become dismissive, avoidant, anxious, or secure. In adulthood, your own relationship history adds to this attachment style. More good news: Attachment styles can be changed for the better.
5 Signs of an Unbalanced Relationship
1. You Don’t Feel Like a Priority
When there is balance in your relationship, compromise becomes a daily certainty. If not, you may start feeling like your partner never has time for you, your thoughts, or your needs. It may feel as if they’re too busy and have too many personal plans or obligations to others. Two indicators of misplaced priorities include the following:
Your partner feels comfortable canceling a plan with you if something else comes up
You often don’t make plans for yourself so you’ll be available whenever your partner is available
2. Uneven Power Dynamic
On the surface, you may appear balanced. In reality, your partner dominates in most aspects of your life, e.g.
You’re not consulted when making plans
They interrupt you, talk over you, gaslight you, or shut you down in conversation — even when others are present
Your dreams, goals, and success are viewed as a threat
They always have to have the last word
You feel frightened of them when they’re angry
Not all abuse looks the same. Not all abuse is obvious. If you resonate with the above list, you need to ask for outside help as soon as possible.
3. You’re Doing All the Work
The work in question could range from earning money to raising the kids to handle chores and errands to do emotional labor. Without an equitable division of such work, balance will never be attained.
4. Your Partner Never Offers an Authentic Apology
On rare occasions, they may say something like “I’m sorry you feel that way” (not a real apology). But they never own up to being wrong or hold themselves accountable. They neither show remorse nor seek ways to avoid hurting you again.
5. You Are Called “Needy” or “Oversensitive”
Over and over, you hear that you’re “too much.” You begin to doubt yourself and wonder if you’re putting the relationship at risk. So, you do more and give more — but find it’s still never enough.
Reach Out for Help
Imbalance in a relationship, fortunately, is not always a sign of impending doom. It could be that you both need some guidance and to learn some communication skills. Let us help. Please read more about couples counseling, it could be the powerful step toward balance you’re longing for.
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