Written By: Sabrina Eads, LPC
What is Self-Compassion?
“Compassion is, by definition, relational. Compassion literally means 'to suffer with,' which implies a basic mutuality in the experience of suffering. The emotion of compassion springs from the recognition that the human experience is imperfect.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
In my mind, self-compassion is a way of allowing yourself to give support to the part of you that is suffering. Self-compassion might look like being kind to yourself, even when you make an error, or fail. It might look like thinking or saying supportive words to yourself after noticing something about your appearance or personality that you don't like. It might look like allowing yourself to rest in spite of an urge to remain constantly in motion to achieve a goal. In my practice, I utilize guided meditations that assist clients in thinking about ways to move towards compassionate responses to their own inner thoughts, and I utilize them as the client relaxes. The below is one such meditation. At times I have recorded meditations to be replayed for clients when not in session.
Self-Compassion Meditation
When I was born, I started out on this journey ready to experience life. The road may have been bumpy at times, but I am constantly in flux and am working towards believing in myself and allowing the good in me to shine through.
I deserve love and compassion, primarily from myself. I extend that lovingkindness towards myself first. By opening myself up to self-directed love, I prime the pump. Love, which is a renewable resource, continues to flourish and flow through me. When I extend love to myself, I feel loved, and I have all the more love to give to others.
I deserve to feel happiness, and moments of joy. I know discomfort and hard emotions will still occur, but I deserve to savor and appreciate the moments that happen in my life that bring a smile to my face. In savoring these moments, I grant them the importance they deserve and experience a sense of gratitude that I experienced these feelings.
I deserve peace. I deserve to know that though suffering is part of life, it is also temporary. As I shift my thoughts to learning tolerance and acceptance, I know that the times I do feel peace, I acknowledge this sense of stillness and stay present in the moment to let those feelings flow through my whole self. After a time, the peace will move along, just like any suffering will as well. They each will come again, and I know that I can accept either and still be OK.
I am a flawed human being, as all human beings are flawed. I may make mistakes, both large and small, and so may other loved ones in my life. Those who are not in my life may also make mistakes that impact me. I forgive myself any errors, whether intentional or unintentional. I forgive others the same as I do myself. I take accountability for my errors, and work to make amends to myself, or to others my actions have impacted, so that I may show myself and others that I take my errors seriously enough to want to address them, but also can allow others and myself to rebuild and repair those errors. Opportunities (to learn, to grow, to change) often come disguised at things I perceive as a failure or mistake, so I give myself patience and understanding as I continue through life's path as a person who is always a work in progress.
I care for my mind, and my body. I incorporate joyful movement to help both my mind and body, taking care to gently do so in a way that respects any limits that are in place for safety. I listen to my body and feed it what it needs for good nutrition, but also for joy. I do not allow diet culture to prescribe what I should and shouldn't eat, nor what I should and shouldn't look like. My body is OK as it is right now, and helps me to achieve my goals in the world around me. I send it gratitude for helping me move and take care of my needs and wants. I care for my mind by practicing mindfulness, meditating, and using stress relief techniques daily. I live in the present moment as much of the time as I can, developing this skill all the more as I practice. I care for my emotional health by sitting with my emotions, and facing them head on, even when they are painful. I utilize the bravery and strength I possess to do so, and allow myself to feel them rather than avoid them. That may mean I cry, or scream, or need to move around a lot. Even when struggling, I remind myself that I still deserve love and compassion from myself. I commit to these things in the hopes of continued growth. May I always return to this place of peace and meditative thought; may I always place hand on heart and send myself love and kindness any time I need it.
