Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Anger is one letter short of danger."
What did she mean? After all, isn’t anger a completely natural emotion? It isn't bad. It isn't wrong.
Yet, we all know that anger, unchecked and fueled by other emotions like hurt or fear, can do real damage.
So what is it about anger? How do you know when your struggle to get a grip on anger starts to make a mess of the relationships that make life most meaningful?
First, Don't Overreact. Recognize that Anger is Useful
Anger, like any other emotion, is beneficial when it is expressed or communicated properly. It serves us well when survival, defense, and standing your ground are important. On occasion, it can be the perfect emotion for the moment. However dismissed they are by social norms, your feelings of anger are normal and needn’t be a source of shame. That is, of course, if you have the ability to keep anger from spinning out of control or becoming counterproductive.
Reactionary anger is often a basic solution to a perceived conflict. Yet, it often leaves little time for productive conversation or nuanced, tempered, problem-solving. This can lead to wrong conclusions, overreaction, and other more extreme behavior. Perhaps some of the feedback you’ve been getting from loved ones or coworkers hints that communication is a problem?
If so, it is important to pay attention to how anger is becoming an obstacle for you and your relationship partners.
Does What You Believe about Anger Drive the Way You Express It?
Common beliefs about anger include, but aren’t limited to, the following:
Anger is a release or natural response to anxiety, discomfort, or threat. It’s just part of how you defend or protect yourself.
Anger gets things done. You may think that angry means can help manifest your desired end. You may even think respect is tied to bluster and bullying.
Anger is weak or “bad.” You may ignore, bury or deny anger altogether. This may lead to poor relationships marred by problems like constant irritability, passive-aggression, or explosive bouts of anger.
These beliefs about anger can damage your relationships as people around you become less and less tolerant of your angry demands and control. Or, sadly, others may be irreparably harmed by your outbursts. It’s much more productive to examine yourself and confront your temper honestly. Processing and dealing with anger is the best way to get a handle on it.
Not Sure if It’s Time for Professional Support?
If your coping mechanisms weaken your judgment or you’ve isolated from people to get a handle on your temper, it’s time to think about lasting change. Whether compromise is difficult for you, you were traumatized as a child, or the pandemic left you feeling powerless, therapy can help your sort out your emotions.
Intentionally tackling anger can progressively help you find some peace and a way forward. There is no shame in seeking the support of experienced people who won’t judge you.
So What Now?
If you realize now that you have anger issues, consider this a good thing. You don’t need to remain anxious or out of control. Consider getting help from a therapist who can support you in a safe, confidential space. Together you can work on fostering more clarity, regulating your emotions, and developing communication skills.
Please read more about therapy and reach out soon for help. We’re here to help you and your family. Please reach out to our office today for a consultation.
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