“How can I make them hear me?”

So many times when I start seeing a couple and ask them what they want from therapy, one partner will look at me and say, “I don’t want to argue with him/her.”  Truth of the matter is that a disagreement and different points of view are signs of a healthy relationship.  It’s being able to be open to hearing the other person and work through differences that speak to the lasting nature of a relationship.

Relationships are complicated.  We learn how to relate to each other in different ways and when those ways don’t work we can try a number of  direct and indirect ways to be heard.  We can:

• Raise voices

• Withhold affection

• Highlight disappointments and feelings of being let down without actually saying that’s how you feel (i.e. saying “you never bring me to the movies” or “you’re always late…”)

• Not give the other person space when they want it and keep making your point “until they hear you”

• Be so focused on the problem and trying to solve it that you don’t make time for trying to connect or enjoy each other

What many people don’t realize is that the louder you talk and the more tension you bring to a conversation, the more defensive the other person will become; it is how our brains are wired.  It’s called “”Diffuse Physiological Arousal” (DPA)--what our bodies do when we’re in a state of “fight or flight,” and can’t be reasonable or logical.  This happens when our heart rates exceed 95-100 beats per minute. . 

Next time you are feeling tense with your partner, try taking your pulse (put your index finger & middle finger on the interior of your opposite wrist and feel for the beating; look at your watch for 15 secs and if it exceeds 25, you need to step away).   Before you step away, let your partner know how long you’ll be gone!! You don’t want them feeling like you left them hanging, you abandoned them, or when you’re going to finish the conversation.  Go do something that slows your heart rate down. If after that amount of time you’re still not ready to talk, check in with your partner and let them know how much time you need.  The max you should take as a break is 24 hours from any given topic–this is where resentments come from!

There are four specific communication styles that John Gottman’s research has shown* are highly correlated with the dissolution of relationships.  All four of these are associated with the increased heart rate mentioned above.  They are:

• Criticism (stating your complaints as a defect in your partner’s personality). These many times come out as “absolutes,” such as “never” or “always.”

• Defensiveness Self-protection from a real or perceived attack that often looks like righteous indignation or placing oneself in a place of “victimhood” 

• Contempt Statements that come from a place of superiority. These most frequently come across as insults (i.e. you’re an idiot). 

• Stonewalling Emotional withdrawal and “checking out” of a conversation, not checking in with or tracking what your partner is saying.

Further descriptions and information on these communication styles click here.

For a complete assessment of how you and your partner communicate, barriers to intimacy, and the strengths of your relationship, contact our intake department today!  Dr. Michaels offers an individually tailored. three part assessment followed by Feedback Session prior to beginning all couples work.  

Dr. Michaels is trained through Level 3 by the Gottman Institute and is a Leader, providing Weekend Workshops for couples in the Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work.   

*There are solutions if you and your partner are trapped in these methods of communication. Worth noting is that this approach to relationship repair has been validated regardless of relationship type (i.e. same sex or heterosexual).  For more information regarding the research supporting same sex relationships and the Gottman method click here. 

Ideally what is done in a conflict to move through it, regardless of the type of relationship you’re in, is to:

1. Find the humor in the situation

2. Be able to see the positive in the person you’re with

3. Have  a “bank account of positives” to draw on so that when these differences come up you’re more resilient–That means making time and space for humor, time together, time away, intimate moments (it can even be looking across  the room and catching your partner’s eye or attention so they feel “seen”)

4. If you’ve been through trauma in the past, be aware of the times of day, noises, facial expressions, etc, that make hearing someone more difficult and let your partner know

5. Avoid difficult conversations when you’re drinking or using a substance

RESOURCES:

The Gottman Institute

Domestic Violence Resources for Travis County

Travis County LGBTQIA Resources

Thomas Michaels, PsyD, LPC, LCDC

What is Self-Compassion?

Written By: Sabrina Eads, LPC

What is Self-Compassion?

“Compassion is, by definition, relational. Compassion literally means 'to suffer with,' which implies a basic mutuality in the experience of suffering. The emotion of compassion springs from the recognition that the human experience is imperfect.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

In my mind, self-compassion is a way of allowing yourself to give support to the part of you that is suffering.  Self-compassion might look like being kind to yourself, even when you make an error, or fail.  It might look like thinking or saying supportive words to yourself after noticing something about your appearance or personality that you don't like.  It might look like allowing yourself to rest in spite of an urge to remain constantly in motion to achieve a goal.  In my practice, I utilize guided meditations that assist clients in thinking about ways to move towards compassionate responses to their own inner thoughts, and I utilize them as the client relaxes.  The below is one such meditation.  At times I have recorded meditations to be replayed for clients when not in session.  

Self-Compassion Meditation

When I was born, I started out on this journey ready to experience life.  The road may have been bumpy at times, but I am constantly in flux and am working towards believing in myself and allowing the good in me to shine through.  

I deserve love and compassion, primarily from myself.  I extend that lovingkindness towards myself first.  By opening myself up to self-directed love, I prime the pump. Love, which is a renewable resource, continues to flourish and flow through me.  When I extend love to myself, I feel loved, and I have all the more love to give to others.

I deserve to feel happiness, and moments of joy.  I know discomfort and hard emotions will still occur, but I deserve to savor and appreciate the moments that happen in my life that bring a smile to my face.  In savoring these moments, I grant them the importance they deserve and experience a sense of gratitude that I experienced these feelings.

I deserve peace.  I deserve to know that though suffering is part of life, it is also temporary.  As I shift my thoughts to learning tolerance and acceptance, I know that the times I do feel peace, I acknowledge this sense of stillness and stay present in the moment to let those feelings flow through my whole self.  After a time, the peace will move along, just like any suffering will as well.  They each will come again, and I know that I can accept either and still be OK.

I am a flawed human being, as all human beings are flawed.  I may make mistakes, both large and small, and so may other loved ones in my life.  Those who are not in my life may also make mistakes that impact me.  I forgive myself any errors, whether intentional or unintentional.  I forgive others the same as I do myself.  I take accountability for my errors, and work to make amends to myself, or to others my actions have impacted, so that I may show myself and others that I take my errors seriously enough to want to address them, but also can allow others and myself to rebuild and repair those errors.   Opportunities (to learn, to grow, to change) often come disguised at things I perceive as a failure or mistake, so I give myself patience and understanding as I continue through life's path as a person who is always a work in progress.

I care for my mind, and my body.  I  incorporate joyful movement to help both my mind and body, taking care to gently do so in a way that respects any limits that are in place for safety.  I listen to my body and feed it what it needs for good nutrition, but also for joy.  I do not allow diet culture to prescribe what I should and shouldn't eat, nor what I should and shouldn't look like.  My body is OK as it is right now, and helps me to achieve my goals in the world around me.  I send it gratitude for helping me move and take care of my needs and wants.  I care for my mind by practicing mindfulness, meditating, and using stress relief techniques daily.  I live in the present moment as much of the time as I can, developing this skill all the more as I practice.  I care for my emotional health by sitting with my emotions, and facing them head on, even when they are painful.  I utilize the bravery and strength I possess to do so, and allow myself to feel them rather than avoid them.  That may mean I cry, or scream, or need to move around a lot.  Even when struggling, I remind myself that I still deserve love and compassion from myself.  I commit to these things in the hopes of continued growth.  May I always return to this place of peace and meditative thought; may I always place hand on heart and send myself love and kindness any time I need it.

Sabrina Eads, LPC

“Help! I get distracted so easily I think I might have ADHD”

Written By: Tzvi Prochnik, LCSW

This is becoming an increasingly common statement from adults who are seen in therapy and also just in daily life. While in a lot of ways, it’s a positive thing that people are becoming more aware of ADHD/ADD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder/attention deficit disorder), and they are asking their doctors and mental health professionals about it, there is also a lot of confusion about the difference between being easily distracted or unproductive and meeting the criteria for a diagnosis of ADHD/ADD. 

The fact of the matter is that the majority of people living in 21st century America are easily distracted. With the rise of smartphones, social media, targeted advertising, streaming services, and increasingly blurred lines between work and home life it’s no wonder that we live in an era of being frequently distracted. If I asked you what you did over the past hour a “normal” response might be: “I checked my work email on my phone while listening to my morning podcast. I got overwhelmed by the amount of emails I saw, so I decided to check instagram for a little bit. I then clicked on an ad for a new pair of shoes and went on Amazon to see if I could get them for a lower price. Then, I got a call from my partner that our kid is sick so she needs me to pick up medicine from the pharmacy during my lunch break. During our phone call, I saw I got a text from my boss that I need to prepare notes for our 10 am meeting.” The amount of competing demands for someone’s attention that came up in this simple example is astounding when you stop and think about it. 

Our brains are not designed to be able to function effectively when they’re being pulled in so many different directions at once. The result of trying to keep up this frenetic pace for the majority of humans is that we start to feel distracted, tired, confused, unmotivated, unproductive, etc. Many clients will seek professional help when they start feeling this way because they feel like they are the problem and that there must be something wrong with them mentally, rather than the demands being placed on them being too great. 

Going back to the difference between meeting criteria for an ADHD/ADD diagnosis vs. a normal level of distraction. The way ADHD/ADD is officially diagnosed in adults is through a fairly rigorous test by a psychologist or psychiatrist. Most commonly people with undiagnosed adult ADD fall into the attention deficit category vs. the hyperactivity category because the attention deficit is less outwardly apparent than the hyperactivity. In order to meet criteria for adult ADD you need to display at least 5 of these characteristic for at least 6 months:

• Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, at work, or with other activities.

• Often has trouble holding attention on tasks or play activities.

• Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.

• Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (e.g., loses focus, side-tracked).

• Often has trouble organizing tasks and activities.

• Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to do tasks that require mental effort over a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).

• Often loses things necessary for tasks and activities (e.g. school materials, pencils, books, tools, wallets, keys, paperwork, eyeglasses, mobile telephones).

• Is often easily distracted

• Is often forgetful in daily activities.

In addition, the following conditions must be met:

• Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms were present before age 12 years.

• Several symptoms are present in two or more settings, (such as at home, school or work; with friends or relatives; in other activities).

• There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, school, or work functioning.

• The symptoms are not better explained by another mental disorder (such as a mood disorder, anxiety disorder, dissociative disorder, or a personality disorder). The symptoms do not happen only during the course of schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder.

Obviously that’s a lot of information to process but essentially ADHD/ADD is not something that would develop for an adult over the course of a couple days or even a couple weeks at a time. It would be something that would have been present since someone was a preteen and have caused major disruptions in their functioning at school, work and home. Although there are definitely cases of people with undiagnosed adult ADHD/ADD, in general it would be something that would have affected their functioning for most of their life and would have affected their functioning in several areas. 

So, you might ask what should I do if I’m worried about maybe having ADHD? I would still encourage you to seek help from a mental health professional, and if you are looking for an official diagnosis you would need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist. However, I have found that many people can significantly reduce their symptoms of distractibility, regardless of whether they have a true diagnosis of ADHD/ADD by reducing the amount of competing demands for their attention. So, if you’re used to doing 5 things at once as soon as you wake up in the morning, try seeing what it feels like to do one thing at a time and giving each activity, no matter how small your full attention. I encourage my clients to try this more focused, attentive approach for at least a few weeks and see what happens before making more drastic changes like trying to get on ADHD medication. A therapist can also help you come up with a plan to reach your goals and manage the level of distractibility you’re dealing with. 

Tzvi Prochnik, LCSW

Why are true crime series so fun to watch?

Written By: Tzvi Prochnik, LCSW

It seems like everywhere you look these days a new true crime series is coming out. Just over the last few weeks, Netflix has released Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story about one of the most notorious serial killers in American history. A few weeks before that there was Conversations with a Killer: The John Wayne Gacy Tapes, another docuseries about an infamous serial killer. A quick google search reveals 48 of the top options for true crime docuseries to watch on Netflix that have come out in the past few years alone. But what makes these types of shows so appealing to the general public? Why does American society seem have a fascination with grisly murderers and criminals? Is there something wrong with us for liking to spend our evenings watching shows about psychopaths?

There are several possible answers to this question that have a lot to say about human psychology and the ways our brains work. Our brains have a small almond shaped mass near the center called the amygdala. The amygdala is primarily associated with governing our fear response, or what is popularly known as the “fight, flight or freeze” response. The amygdala is part of what is sometimes referred to as the “reptilian brain” which basically means that it is a primitive part of the brain that isn’t governed by logic and rational reasoning. Essentially, the amygdala was designed to react to frightening stimuli like a tiger charging at us in the jungle by either making us run “flight”, “fight” or stay still “freeze” in the hopes that the tiger won’t eat us. The amygdala responds before the more rational parts of our brain can weigh the pros and cons of our different options. In terms of survival, the amygdala is very useful. If a wild animal is charging at us we don’t have time to think about our different options, we just have to react before we get eaten. But, as human civilization has developed and we have come to lead generally danger-free lives, the amygdala can start to create some issues for our well being. The reason for this is because the amygdala responds to frightening images and thoughts in much the same way it responds to actual physical danger. 

So bringing it all back to true crime series, part of the reason why people enjoy these shows so much is because just by watching a show about a murderer the amygdala comes online and releases the same hormones that you would get if you were actually being chased by a murderer. Our bodies release stress hormones in response to perceived danger that include adrenaline and cortisol. In the short term, these hormones sharpen our senses, make us feel strong, and ready to react. In the long term, having chronically elevated levels of stress hormones can make us feel depleted and unhappy. So, by watching a true crime series we are artificially hijacking our stress response system and releasing these hormones that can make us feel invigorated and fully tuned in to our senses. By experiencing fear in a controlled environment, like in the safety of our living rooms we get the same type of thrill we would have in an actual fear-provoking situation but we know that we’re safe. 

There are of course other reasons as well why people enjoy watching true crime series. It can be intriguing for people who may not be exposed to sociopaths and murderers on a daily basis to learn more about the psychology behind why people commit horrible crimes. There is a fascination with the belief that behind every seemingly “good person” there lurks a more sinister side. The reality is that while every person has negative or dark thoughts at times, the vast majority of people never act on them, and in fact the people who do tend to act on violent urges generally don’t see it as wrong and get a sense of enjoyment committing these acts. These types of shows can give the misleading impression that serial killers are more common than they actually are, and that we can’t trust anyone because our friendly neighbor could be an ax-murderer. While of course serial killers do exist, they make up less than 1% of the population and are rare.

Enjoyed in moderation, true crime series can be an interesting and fun escape for many people from the more mundane aspects of everyday life. So, with Halloween approaching cue up the latest true crime series and just remember to thank your amygdala for the thrill ride you’re about to be taken on!

Tzvi Prochnik, LCSW

Mindful Eating: Getting out of Autopilot and Back to Enjoyment

Written By: Tzvi Prochnik, LCSW

When was the last time that you ate a meal that you truly enjoyed? Do you remember what the food tasted like, smelled like, textures, colors, the temperature of the food? Do you remember where you were when you had this meal? Were you alone or were you with friends or family? Do you remember the atmosphere of the meal? Were you having an amazing conversation and laughing with the people around you? Did you savor each bite of what you were eating? 

Often when people try to recall a memorable meal it can take them some time. Usually, they’ll think of a special occasion where they were with loved ones, out at a nice restaurant in a beautiful place. Or sometimes they’ll think of a home cooked meal their parents always make when they visit home. Or maybe it was a new recipe their partner spent Friday evening carefully preparing for them. 

On the other hand, if I asked you to recall what you ate for dinner on a Wednesday three weeks ago, you might have more trouble bringing to mind what you ate. If I asked you to recall sensory details from that dinner you would likely struggle: “I think it was a turkey sandwich? It tasted okay, nothing special, maybe a little bland?” Or maybe you could bring to mind a meal that you thought tasted good. Maybe you picked up a fast food burger and fries from your favorite burger chain. But, when you brought it home you ended up turning on your favorite show, eating the burger in a couple minutes and the next thing you remember is falling asleep on the couch. You hardly even remember how the burger tasted.

The reality is that many people operate on autopilot when it comes to eating. Most people eat from a mix of emotions and habits. They might eat mindlessly without taking a second to pause and appreciate the flavors or any other details of what they are consuming. They might eat to calm themselves down after a stressful day or to avoid thinking about other issues in their lives. On the flip side, other people may have great difficulty consuming any food at all. Eating may be a stressful activity associated with judgment, negativity, and fear. It may be hard to really enjoy food, even food that tastes good because it is so closely linked with body image issues and past hurts. 

One of the simplest ways to shift this unhealthy relationship that most people have with this basic activity is introducing mindfulness to the experience. Mindfulness simply defined is bringing an open, non-judgmental attention to whatever experience we are having in the present moment. Although mindfulness has become increasingly popular and accepted in our culture, many people still associate it primarily with the image of someone sitting cross-legged on a meditation cushion focusing on their breathing in a quiet place. While mindfulness certainly can include a formal sitting meditation practice, that is only one way to practice this approach to living. Mindfulness can be applied to any activity that we participate in throughout the day, and eating is an activity that can serve as a perfect place to incorporate mindfulness. 

Eating mindfully involves slowing down the process of eating and bringing attention to each bite of food we are consuming. Sometimes it can help to start with something small to demonstrate how this process works. 

How to Eat Mindfully

You can start with a piece of fruit, or really anything that is small enough to fit in your hand and isn’t going to be affected by temperature. You can begin by setting a timer for 3 minutes. Place the piece of food into the palm of your hand. Take a moment to place your gaze on this food item. Take in the colors, shapes, textures. You can move it around on your hand, observing it from different angles. Spend about 30 seconds observing the food item. You might have thoughts pop into your mind about this experience like: “This is stupid. Why am I wasting my time staring at food?” It’s normal to have all kinds of thoughts when engaging in a mindfulness activity, and thoughts are not a problem. Any time you notice yourself getting lost in thought just bring your attention back to your senses. 

Next, bring the food item up to your nostrils. Take in any smells that might be coming from the food. It can sometimes help to close your eyes so that you can really take in the food through your sense of smell. Notice if anything happens in your stomach or your mouth as you smell the food. Spend about 30 seconds smelling the food. 

Next, place the food item onto your tongue. You can close your eyes again if that helps tune into your senses. Don’t take a bite yet! Just, notice how it feels on your tongue. Notice if any of the flavors from the food are already getting released by the taste receptors on your tongue. Spend about 30 seconds with it on your tongue. 

Now, very slowly you can move the food around your mouth and take a bite. Chew the food slowly. Notice what flavors are coming up. Notice the sensations in your mouth. Notice how it feels to be chewing the food. Notice any flavors you are getting. Spend about 30 seconds chewing the food.

When you are ready you can swallow the food and notice how it feels as it travels down your throat and moves towards your stomach. Now notice how your whole body feels as you have finished chewing the food.

This simple exercise is the foundation of mindful eating. It demonstrates how you can tune into your 5 senses the next time you are eating. While of course it isn’t realistic for most people to eat every meal in this way, setting the intention to begin this practice by eating one meal a day mindfully can be a great place to start. It can help to set a timer if you have the habit of eating quickly. Try to give yourself at least 30 minutes to eat your meal. Bring a mindful awareness to each bite of food that you consume. Take time to slowly chew each bite before moving on to the next bite. It can help to put down your fork between each bite so that you are not already mentally moving on to the next bite before finishing the first. If you notice yourself slipping into autopilot mode again, don’t worry! That is very normal. When you’ve had a lifetime of eating for efficiency it takes time to retrain your mind and body to slow down. Give this practice a try and see how it can help shift your relationship towards food and your body. 

**If you found this article interesting and want to learn more I recommend looking at Eating Mindfully by Susan Albers, Psyd. It’s a more in-depth look at incorporating mindfulness into your life through eating and the psychology behind why it works.

Tzvi Prochnik, LCSW

Breaking Free From The Chains of Perfectionism

Written By: Tzvi Prochnik, LCSW

• Are you someone who is seen as a high achiever? 

• Do other people think you have it all together?

• Do people go to you when they need help with a task because they view you as an expert? 

These all sound like they can be positive qualities and can be helpful in our modern world that values productivity, expertise, self motivation and standing out from the crowd. However, depending on your mindset, being a “high achiever” or “driven” can quickly shift from being a positive quality into the more negative realm of perfectionism. Perfectionism is a habit of thinking and behaving where nothing feels good enough and you never feel at ease.

Unfortunately, the idea of perfection is a myth that many people get swept up into. The irony is that the harder you strive for perfection the more likely you are to feel disappointed. Every aspect of our world can be improved if we inspect it under a microscope and look for its flaws. Everything can be tweaked, altered, streamlined. Not only do perfectionists see all the flaws in the world around them, but they are also acutely aware of their own flaws. It makes it hard to ever truly enjoy an experience or be proud of something they’ve done, because they’re always looking for ways it could be better. 

If you’re a perfectionist reading this you might be thinking: I know all this stuff already! This is my reality, tell me something that I can do about it. What if I were to tell you that the key to breaking the curse of perfectionism is to strive to be average? If you’re a perfectionist, striving to be average might sound pretty scary. If you try to be average you might worry that you won’t get to where you want to go in life, that your life will be boring or unfulfilling. But, for perfectionists striving to be average actually turns out to be pretty good. If you go for average you save yourself all the mental stress and strain of obsessing about how you could have improved on one slight detail. You allow yourself to be flawed and human, and then you’re also more forgiving to the world around you. I’m not saying that you would in fact be “average”. This is the trick to this whole concept.

Being “average” is also another cognitive distortion, because there is no all powerful being behind the scenes judging everything we do and measuring it in comparison to the things all other humans do (at least in a non-religious sense). The concept is that if someone with very high standards for themselves and others strives for a more average performance, on more things, they’ll actually begin enjoying themselves more and get themselves out of the very limited path that they have created for themselves in the world, that’s making them miserable.

A key trap that many perfectionists fall into is deciding not to do things they might actually enjoy, because they worry that it won’t be perfect. So, a perfectionist might not risk engaging in an activity like going to a casual drawing class because they worry they won’t be able to produce a perfect drawing. They might actually enjoy the process of drawing, find it relaxing and maybe even talk to some people in the class once they’re engaged, but instead they choose to avoid the experience entirely for fear of failure. 

My recommendation is if you struggle with perfectionism to give yourself permission to do more things at an average level of effort. You might be surprised by the above average results!

Tzvi Prochnik, LCSW

Looking at Michael Pollan’s How to Change Your Mind: a Therapist’s Perspective

Written By: Tzvi Prochnik, LCSW

Looking at Michael Pollan’s How to Change Your Mind: a Therapist’s Perspective

**Disclaimer** This piece was written for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical advice offered by physicians. Psychedelic substances remain illegal in most US states for use outside of specific medical and spiritual settings. Psychoactive substances are not safe for all individuals and should not be used by individuals without proper medical approval and supervision. ***

I read How to Change Your Mind earlier this year and I think it is a must read for mental health professionals and clients alike. I think this book is extremely relevant right now as the topic of psychedelics and psychedelic assisted treatment is increasingly entering our public discourse. This book explores the topic from several different perspectives including the history, science, legal issues and personal accounts of psychedelic use. This is a topic of discussion that has come up in my work with clients and I think that having an in-depth, well researched account of the landscape provides an invaluable tool for people looking to learn more about it.

Key takeaways:

• Psychedelics are increasingly being used in therapeutic settings to facilitate insights and allow clients to heal from pain, depression, terminal illness, end of life issues, addiction and past traumas. 

• There was actually a “forgotten era” of psychotherapy in the late 1950s and 1960s when psychedelics were being used as part of research in therapy and psychiatry.

• Unfortunately, psychedelics “got out of the lab” and the immense wave of psychedelic use among the general public was viewed as dangerous by the government at the height of the Hippie Era and the Vietnam War. The Nixon administration effectively shut down a lot of the promising research that was being done and outlawed psychedelic use in all settings from the late 1960s onwards. 

• It wasn’t until the 1990s through organizations like MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies), the rigorous efforts of world renowned scientists and researchers at institutions like Columbia University and NYU, and indigenous rights advocacy that psychedelics began gaining increasing acceptance within the world of psychiatry and therapy once again. 

• Michael Pollan discusses in his book how there are other ways to reach these insights without the use of psychedelics such as through therapy, meditation, spiritual type experiences, and breathwork but psychedelics seem to have an ability to speed up the process under the right conditions. 

Pros: 

• Psychedelic experiences can be incredibly helpful for clients to gain insights, break free from rigid thought patterns, increase sense of connection to spirituality/sense of oneness with the universe, increase compassion for themselves and others, and have a mind/body experience unlike most others in daily life. 

• They can show individuals a window into a more adaptive mindset, and help them have more self compassion to engage in healthier behaviors but ultimately it comes down to the individual making their own choices about how to live their best lives. 

Cons:  

• There is a strong desire for there to be a “magic bullet” in mental health research and psychiatry that places too much emphasis on medicine being a cure for human suffering. I don’t think that psychedelics are a magic bullet. I believe that it is a tool that can be used to facilitate profound insights that can be felt on a holistic level, but like any tool it is only as effective as people allow it to be. 

• There is currently a popular perception that psychedelics can be used casually to reduce mental health symptoms without proper medical approval, planning and oversight. I believe that these are powerful substances that can have very damaging consequences for an individual’s mental health and safety if not used within the right context under the supervision of trained spiritual guides or mental health professionals. 

Tzvi Prochnik, LCSW

What is Gratitude and Why is it so Important?

Written By: Laura Squiers, LPC

“It is not happiness that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us happy.” 

- David Steindl-Rast

Gratitude is a practice of appreciation and thankfulness for the good in our lives. It is the intentional and conscious focus of the positives we experience on a daily or weekly basis. 

Research shows that regularly practicing gratitude can have both short and long-term benefits including: 

• Improved health 

• Reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression

• Better sleep 

• Increased happiness 

• Better social interactions

• Increased productivity 

• Increased resiliency 

To give more context, a study out of the University of California found that practicing gratitude can increase happiness by as much as 25%. Additional studies have shown that gratitude is linked to healthier blood pressure, better heart rates, and stronger immune systems. Another study by Psychotherapy Research found that participants who practiced daily gratitude showed improvements on mental health assessments compared to those who instead wrote about daily events. 

If you’re ready to incorporate gratitude into your routine, here are just a few examples of how to do that. One of the easiest ways is to start a gratitude journal, listing 3-5 things per day that you are grateful for. Another way is to be intentional about thanking people you interact with, for example a waiter at a restaurant, your mailman, or your child’s teacher. This can be in person or in the form of a thank you letter. And lastly, pay attention to when you might be falling into a comparison trap. Comparing yourself to others can leave you feeling less than and deflated. Instead of thinking about what you’re lacking, try focusing on what you have that you’re grateful for! 

Laura Squiers, LPC

How to Support a Loved One With Anxiety

Written By: Laura Squiers, LPC

How to Support a Loved One With Anxiety 

1. Understand what anxiety is and what symptoms are associated with it - anxiety symptoms can vary widely depending on the person. Some symptoms include worry, uneasiness, irritability, or anger but this is not an exhaustive list. Taking some time to research or communicate with your loved one about their specific symptoms can also be helpful. 

2. Reassure them that you’re there for them - oftentimes, people with anxiety welcome support as it means they don’t have to carry the burden alone. 

3. Actively listen - ask them how you can best support them. 

4. Keep communication open and non-judgmental - if possible, maintain consistent communication and check-ins. As someone who doesn’t have anxiety, it may be difficult to empathize at times, but try not to judge, criticize, or invalidate your loved one.  

A few don'ts: 

1. Don’t expect symptoms to change immediately. 

2. If you find yourself getting frustrated, take some personal space. 

3. Don’t put pressure on them to change or talk about things. 

Try the ‘5,4,3,2,1’ technique with your loved one as a way to help ease their anxiety by helping them focus on the present moment. The goal of this technique is to help connect you with each of your five senses: sight, touch, hearing, smell, and taste. 

First, take a couple of deep breaths, then begin to acknowledge things around you according to each of your five senses. 

*The order of the senses can be changed but the method should remain the same. 

5: Find FIVE things you see around you, name them aloud. 

4: Find FOUR things you can touch, name them aloud. 

3: Find THREE things you can hear, name them aloud. 

2: Find TWO things you can smell, name them aloud. 

1: Find ONE thing you can taste, name them aloud.

Laura Squiers, LPC

5 Tips for Setting and Maintaining Personal Boundaries

Written By: Laura Squiers, LPC

5 Tips for Setting and Maintaining Personal Boundaries

Maybe you’ve heard the term ‘boundaries’ before, and have had practice implementing them into your life - or maybe you’re new to the concept and could use a little guidance in that area. Either way, here, we’ll list 5 ways to help you set your own strong, personal boundaries.  

Boundaries are so important when it comes to establishing and protecting our mental health! Healthy limits around what you will do and how you will be treated can play a vital role in so many areas of our lives, including professional and personal relationships. 

1. Recognize that you deserve to be treated with respect 

One of the biggest barriers to setting and maintaining personal boundaries comes from the false belief that we don’t deserve to hold them, and thus, don’t deserve respect from others. This is, of course, not true! If you find that this is something you struggle with, know that it’s possible to work through those erroneous beliefs, you don’t have to stay stuck in that mindset. 

2. Know your values 

Taking some time to list out your values, priorities, and limits can help when it comes time to determine if something is within our set of boundaries or not. Instead of saying “yes” to someone else, first make sure you’re saying “yes” to yourself! 

3. Be consistent

Oftentimes, when we’re just starting out with setting boundaries, we get pushback from people around us who aren’t used to hearing “no”. Because of this, it’s important to be ready to stand your ground and remain consistent with what you want and need. 

4. Communicate clearly 

It’s okay to say “no”! Practice saying “no” when you don’t want to do something and remember that you don’t ever have to explain yourself or provide an excuse. 

5. Respect other people’s boundaries 

It’s important to understand that people (you included!) can set boundaries to protect their own well-being. When we accept this as a positive, it’s much easier to be gracious and respectful to your friends and loved ones who are setting boundaries for themselves. 

If these concepts and behaviors are foreign or seem uncomfortable to you, that’s okay! Try experimenting with them, and fine-tune the process to something that works for you. In the end, establishing healthy boundaries is an excellent form of self-care and does wonders for your emotional and mental health. 

Laura Squiers, LPC

Easy Ways to Integrate Self-Care into Your Daily Routine

Written By: Laura Squiers, LPC

Easy Ways to Integrate Self-Care into Your Daily Routine 

Small acts of self-care throughout your day and week can have a lasting and positive impact on your mental health. Self-care can help manage stress, increase energy, and can even help your body fight against illness! 

Bedtime Routine - Sleep is so important! You probably already know that getting sufficient, restful sleep is vital for our bodies to function. Good quality sleep can have an impact on our mental health as well. Studies have shown links between sleep and depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, to name a few. Limiting screen time (blue light exposure), listening to a bedtime meditation, or using a relaxing essential oil like lavender can help create a more effective bedtime routine. 

Morning Routine - What you do immediately after waking up each morning sets the tone for your entire day. For example, if you’re constantly rushing around or running late in the mornings, you’ve probably noticed an increase in your stress level throughout the day. Try resisting the urge to check your phone and instead, opt for a 60 second (or longer) full-body stretch routine. Listen to some uplifting music, or positive affirmations while you shower, brush your teeth, put on makeup, etc. Or, practice being mindful while you eat your breakfast, or drink your morning coffee. 

Lunch Break - Take those breaks throughout the day! Whether you get one lunch break, or have more freedom in your work day, taking time to step away from the computer and allow your mind (and your eyes) to rest can make a huge difference. Simple self-care practices like stretching, a mindfulness or grounding activity, a few deep breaths, a walk outside, or meditation can help decrease stress levels and improve focus when it’s time to return to work. 

Schedule It - Some people also like to schedule self-care outside of the moments listed above. This could mean putting that 20 minute meditation on your calendar (and holding yourself accountable!). Maybe you already have your weekly gym or yoga schedule down, or maybe now is the perfect time to be proactive and schedule your self-care! 

Laura Squiers, LPC